Monday, September 10, 2012
It Is an Honor to be Nominated
We are adjusting back to life on our own. The kids miss him and are grumpier than ever. Aidan is nothing short of King Kong. He hits and kicks and climbs CONSTANTLY. He is the world's cutest wrecking ball. Maya is an emotional disaster. She misses him. She misses the one on one time we have when there are two parents in the house. She is hurting. She doesn't say this. You see when a two year old hurts she breaks something, or covers something in marker. This is her language.
Everyday is beginning to feel like an epic fail. Never accomplishing as much as I should. Never being as good as I could. Never quite cutting it.
At night I lie down and pout. I complain about how tired I am, how much work it all is, how unfair life is...
Who is this person? This is not me. I am a positive person, a fighter, a worker, a striver. So after a good long cry and a prayer for help and forgiveness for this little brat act I have been been pulling, it is time for a new perspective.
I don't feel good. Yeah, so??? I am a healthy, functioning mother of two. My body is able, and I am blessed beyond measure to have it.
My kids are crazy...well yes. But how many people would do anything to have a child, not to mention my amazing kids!! They are my everything. They are amazing. They are the energy that runs this house.
As far as feeling like an epic fail, I think I have to stop making this a competition. I am not a perfect mom. I never will be. But I am not even sure I want to be. I want to be a fun mom. A mom that makes mistakes and admits it, a mom that says she's sorry. A mom with more kisses than spankings and more smiles than tears.
As far as life being unfair. Well, I think I had that part right. Who am I to deserve this? A God who loves me, two beautiful children to love and raise, a beautiful (albeit messy) home to live in, and a husband that works feverishly to support our family. God has given me so much more than what is fair, so much more than i deserve. I am just. so. blessed.
In this great oscars ceremony of mommyhood I am done focusing on winning best picture, I think for now it is an honor to be nominated.
Posted by Amy Jo at 5:44 AM